*TRIGGER WARNING: Sadness, Depression, Grief, Death, Suicidal Ideation
I've tried for most of my life to save others from sadness, and when I was younger, I rarely was trying to save myself from that same sadness. Sound familiar?
When one of my closest friends was going through a divorce several years ago, I was truly worried about her. I continuously reminded her that was there for her if she needed anything, and checked in with her about how she was doing. I even took to the internet to research ways to help a friend or loved one through a divorce. I realize now that energetically, I was trying to soak in her sadness like a sponge, so that she wouldn't have to feel it.
Currently many people I care about are going through difficult times. This morning I was thinking of one friend in particular and I noticed that same sense of worry, from all those years ago, creeping in. I was asking myself, "How can I help this friend?" and it hit me. Like a post that I previously wrote, it is okay to feel our emotions, any and all of them. So why am I so determined to save my loved ones from sadness?
Of course we can offer help to our loved ones and of course we dislike seeing them in pain. Generally speaking, no one enjoys emotional turmoil; however, we cannot escape some level of pain in this reality at certain times. We can transform it, we can work through it, and we can feel it. It is part of our experience on Earth that we agreed to before incarnating.
I realized when I asked myself about helping my friend that I cannot save anyone from sadness and they do not need to be saved from sadness. We need to feel our emotions in order for them to dissipate, and in order to learn and grow from them. Although it feels horrible, sadness is also a sign that love exists: love for oneself or others.
For example, grief. We experience grief when we experience any kind of loss. When a loved one passes away we are deeply hurt because we still love them, but that love has no physical place to go to anymore. It remains in our hearts and energy. The tears and immense sadness are reminders that the loved one was exactly that: loved.
Another example would be feeling lost and not knowing what to do with your life. Sadness from feeling lost in your life, on some very subconscious level, shows that we love ourselves. We love ourselves and our lives enough to want purpose and to feel the contentment that comes with having purpose.
In my view, even the darkest of depression can come from love. We (in some part of us, however small) love ourselves enough to want to end the pain, or we love others so much that we want to end their supposed suffering and believe they will be better off without us. (If you ever feel suicidal, please seek help from a medical professional or call a crisis line. In the US, the crisis line number is 988.) Even in this situation, we cannot completely save someone from their own sadness, they must be at least a little willing to do the work to save themselves.
While we cannot save someone from their own sadness, we can love them along the way. We can check in on our loved ones, while allowing space as needed. It is a balancing act and it's okay not to be perfect at it. Every individual has their own sadness needs. We can remind them they are loved and that they can reach out for anything they need. We can also remind them that life can be beautiful, and that all feelings are temporary. I like to remind loved ones of one of my favorite quotes that I have as a tattoo, "No feeling is final," written by Rainer Maria Rilke.
We can also just be with our loved ones. Presence can be so important in times of sadness., whether or not it cheers up your loved one. Humans are wired for connection. We need other people. On a basic level, we are fulfilling that need for them. On another level, we are showing them how much they mean to us.
I will no longer put all of my being into saving my loved ones from sadness. I will love them and I will be there for them, but their sadness is for them to fully feel. I don't expect others to save me from my sadness, as it is mine to fully feel and transform as I see fit.
Wishing you love in all your emotions.
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